


Bruce vs. Prom

by Living_Free



Series: Slip and Slide [9]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, DaddyBats, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Overprotective Bruce Wayne, batbros, batfamily, rich bitch bruce wayne
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-29 17:43:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15734310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Living_Free/pseuds/Living_Free
Summary: Tim is going to prom with Kon, and obviously, Bruce is Displeased.Dick and Jason are good sons.Damian learns the subtle art of manipulation.And Wally is made to question his career trajectory.





	Bruce vs. Prom

Bruce was fretting, and rightly so, in his opinion and virtually nobody else’s.

“Bruce, it’s just prom,” Tim reassured him for the hundredth time.

“You’ll be in an unfamiliar setting where there is alcohol and Kon-El and teenage hormones present,” Bruce gritted out. “I am right to worry. You are delicate and fragile like a doll, and when under the influence, Kon-El could very easily crush you.”

“But he won’t,” Tim replied evenly, “because Kon won’t drink. He already promised his mother.”

Bruce liked Ma Kent. “And his father?” He asked.

“Lex lets him drink.”

The vein in Bruce’s head was popping. 

“But only when he’s present,” Tim hastened to add. Phew. Crisis averted. 

“You have to be aware of your drink, in case you are slipped anything. I hope you have familiarized yourself with the effects and tastes of various spirits and drugs-“

“Yeah, Jason gave me some.”

The vein was back. “Jason did what?”

Just then, the doorbell rang, announcing Kon’s arrival. Tim straightened his tie and waistcoat before facing Bruce, who looked conflicted. “Bruce, calm down.”

Bruce didn’t. “I don’t like this.”

“The things that you don’t like can fill several books,” Tim said. “The things you like are: Dick, Jason, Cass, Me, Damian, Alfred, fighting, plotting, justice, books, money, and even though you won’t admit it, Clark.”

Bruce twitched with displeasure. This was too close to the truth. “I don’t want you to go,” he admitted gruffly. 

Tim’s expression softened. “I’ll come back.”

“Be sure that you do,” Bruce said. Then, “You look very nice, Tim.”

“You compared me, your son, to a doll not two minutes ago.”

“You look like a very masculine, handsome, doll,” Bruce lied. Then he held out his arm. “Come, I shall escort you downstairs. Dick has insisted that we do cheesy prom pictures by the fireplace.”

***

Jason stood by Dick in the corner while Bruce threatened Kon appropriately. “Geez. Why is Bruce being such a bitch? It’s just prom.”

“It’s his first prom, though,” Dick said. “He never got to see you or me go.”

Jason looked confused. “Me, I understand. I was dead. But you?”

“I went with Babs, so I picked her up at her place. Besides, I was full of angst and wasn’t exactly speaking to Bruce.” Dick’s face crumpled. “Poor Bruce. He missed out on our milestones.”

Jason brightened. He sensed an opportunity for mischief. “I have an idea...”

***

Damian tottered up to Bruce, who looked down at his son. “Father, suit up. We have to go on patrol.”

Bruce looked around the cave. “I thought you were going with Jason today.”

Damian scowled. “Grayson and Todd went for early patrol. They said that they had ‘plans’.” Damian’s face crumpled. “What plans do they have that disclude me? Is Todd swaying Grayson away from me?”

Bruce’s brain whirred into action. Emotionally vulnerable son! Comfort! Comfort! He picked Damian up and plopped him onto his lap. “I’m sure it’s nothing like that,” Bruce said. “It’s just that Dick and Jason are both...adults. They are propbably talking about bills, or their spouses, or...”

“Intercourse?”

“NO.”

Damian chuckled. Grayson was right. It was easy to divert Father’s attention. He schooled his face to look ‘uwu’ as Grayson had taught him. “Oh. So we can patrol together, Father?”

“Sure thing, son.”

The plan was afoot. 

***

Bruce and Damian got back in the early hours of the morning, thriumphant from having pushed Joker into the sewer. Bruce did so love to see his little boy smile.

“I am fatigued,” Damian said, with an exaggerated stretch, “I shall proceed to the kitchen for a nightcap before turning in. Perhaps you will join me, Father?”

“The post-patrol reports - oh, alright,” Bruce said, caving as the uwu face made another appearance. He found himself being led into the hall, Damian’s tiny hand in his. Suddenly, the lights flooded on and Bruce stumbled back in shock. 

The hall was decorated with flowers and streamers, with a large banner reading “BAT-PROM 2018” hanging over the television. In front of the fireplace stood Dick and Wally, dressed to the nines, along with Jason and Roy, who were in their best suits. 

“Surprise, Father!’ Damian crowed. “We have decided to host a prom so that you will be able to make up for lost time with Grayson and Todd! Threaten their spouses to your heart’s desire!”

Bruce found that he could not speak, owing to the very large lump forming in his throat. He had the best children. He slowly approached Dick and drew him away from Wally and to his own side. He focused his best glare on the speedster. 

“I do not like you. You took my son’s virginity.”

“That was Barbara!” Wally panicked. 

Bruce was going to have words with Barbara. 

“I still do not like you. I have seen your savings account. It is paltry in its contents. How can I entrust my son to you?”

Wally’s eyes widened. “I got a promotion at work! I’m the manager now!”

“Of that ice cream place you work at? Bah!”

“I’m a crime scene investigator! I run my own lab!”

“Hrm,” Bruce grunted, and turned to Roy, who merely raised an eyebrow at him. “Oh, I threatened you already,” Bruce remembered. 

“At my own wedding,” Roy stressed. 

“Bruce, stop threatening people, this is a prom, not a wedding,” Jason drawled. “Just take your cheesy pictures and let us dance.”

Dick and Jason posed cheesily with their respective partners while Alfred took pictures and dabbed at his eyes brimming over with emotion. “Ah, youth,” he murmured. “What joys it brings.”

Bruce watched the young couples dance until the sun broke through Gotham’s skyline, and they were too tired and giggly to dance any longer. They had also successfully diverted Bruce’s mind from what Tim might have been getting up to.

Until now.

“The sun’s up, and Tim hasn’t called me,” he fretted. 

Dick pulled out his phone. “He texted me. Said that he was staying over at the Kent farm. He and Kon were going stargazing.”

Bruce’s stomach plummeted. Stargazing was exactly how Damian came to be. 

“Call him now,” Bruce demanded. Just then, the door opened to reveal Tim walking in, a smile on his lips, head in the clouds, and completely in love. 

“Hi Bruce,” Tim sighed dreamily. 

Bruce flinched. He had never wanted to hear Tim sound like that. “Did you have fun?” He managed to ask. 

Tim sighed again and flopped down next to Dick, who tittered like an absolute girl. “It was alright,” Tim said. “We were back at the farm by midnight, actually. Kon took me stargazing, and we just lay in the grass, side by side, looking up at the night sky...”

“...and?”

“And then Kon fell asleep, and Clark carried him to bed and told me to go to sleep as well.”

Bruce gasped. “With Kon-El?”

Tim’s face fell. “No. I had to sleep between Clark and Lois. It was cramped. And Clark’s legs are so freakishly smooth,” he shuddered, then perked up. “It’s lucky that my Kon didn’t inherit that bit of him.”

Dick and Jason burst out laughing at Tim’s plight, while he whined about Clark separating him from his ‘tender lover, who was so lonesome alone in bed without me by his side, pressed into his hot, pulsating muscles to make it all better’.

Bruce sighed in relief and sank back tiredly into his chaise. He was going to send Clark flowers. But in the meantime, he was going to celebrate having his boys at home, safe, and mostly chaste.

**Author's Note:**

> For anyone who is wondering, Tim is still a virgin. He’s just very imaginative.


End file.
